update

(This update is cross-posted here and on my Patreon because I am very tired)

I am STILL sick. This has been over a month of illness and over three weeks of the part that involves breathing trouble. I do still think it's slowly getting better, but it's the sort of thing where every time I have a better day I end up then having a worse day. Today was better than yesterday and I even went out to stand in my driveway for a few minutes and breathe some fresh air and feel sunlight on my face, which was really nice. But doing that wiped me out, which was frustrating. I'm still overall okay, though. I have not needed to go to a hospital, and I still hope that remains true. I just really want to be over this. I want not to have to think about my breathing all the time.

I want to have energy to write more things and answer emails I need to answer and all that. Instead, I have been watching a lot of Disney Fairy Tale Weddings. I'm almost out, which is horrifying because I am not sure what I will do then. Disney Fairy Tale Weddings does the thing that is so elusive: It contains happy people who genuinely like to be with each other doing a thing they really want to do in a place they love. There's no tension about whether someone will hate a surprise proposal or win a cooking challenge. There is only the well-oiled Disney machine choosing to show us couples who are nice to each other and genuinely excited about their relationship and all things Disney. Every surprise is good. The tension that builds is from wondering how they will be surprised or just how excited they will be. Families and friends participate, and it's a show about the bonds of community as much as it is about romance. I  honestly wish there was a show like this, but just to celebrate friendships or families (found or biological), but I realize that will likely never happen because this show only exists in order to better sell aspiring couples the Disney wedding dream. I have no idea how much these weddings cost, but I can only imagine it's often in the hundreds of thousands of dollars. Which is ridiculous and terrible, and yet I am invariably moved by the end results even though I myself would hate to have a giant wedding or grand gesture proposal (and, in fact, ran off to Gretna Green with just my partner and a couple of witnesses, and felt REALLLLLLY awkward when the photographer made us kiss in front of three (3) people for the sake of photos).

Anyway, all this to say hello. I am still here. I am  still doing bits of things when I can. I am a guest on the Spectology podcast (a science fiction book discussion podcast) this month, and we are discussing Aliette de Bodard's Tea Master and the Detective. The pre-read episode is out now, and the post-read episode should be coming in a bit.